I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
third nipple confirmed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize