mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
