I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
