My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
