her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize