I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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