I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
