My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
