gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
