P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
