and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
