i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
