just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
