fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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