yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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