hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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