I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
