Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
