well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
