Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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