Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
