another moral hangover. fuck.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
