ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
