i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
