Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
