Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
How's work?
Spinning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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