You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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