My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
