It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
