Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
