I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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