just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
