last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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