I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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