Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
