I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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