I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
