it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
