I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
