Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
