What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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