You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
