I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
