i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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