so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize