you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
