dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
