Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
