so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
