I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
