so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize