I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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