I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
