Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
