So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
