idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
