just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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