No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
