i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
