I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
