Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
