I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
