Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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