You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
