I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
