it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
