maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
