When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dicks are not precious.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
