the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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