i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
