I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
